A Tea-riffic ReTort to the Coffee Oppressors
My fellow Tea Drinkers of the world; today we must stand proud and defend our tea drinking ways against those who would slander us.
Remember, tea, next to water, is the most consumed liquid on this planet. Sadly, like most good things the rest of the world does that we choose to arrogantly not participate it (Soccer, the Metric System, affordable health care, you name it) we in America tend to be missing out on something good.
See, in America, we decided to not drink Tea, on account of the British. We decided to dump a whole bunch of Tea into the Boston Harbor out of protest. America, we are wasteful. If you wanted to get at the British, you insult the Queen Mum or something. I mean, dumping team, and subsequently not drinking it, probably a good idea… 260 years ago! Sadly, we hold onto grudges. We’ve been freed from British oppression now. It’s time to get those Tea Bags seeping.
Tea has most recently been given a bad name, by a certain branch of zealous political activists. Fear now, fellow tea drinkers, for these people use our name out of ignorance. I’d be shocked if these individuals realized what they were doing to our name.
Rejoice however! Tea drinking is now on the rise. Sources indicate that the American Tea industry has grown double in the last 10 years! Our Southern neighbors have been enjoying tea much longer (probably because they let things go easier, and have better food)
Also, there has been some speculation that “seeping” is a torturous activity. I would like to remind our coffee opponents, that they grind the very seeds of their beverage into an almost fine powder, before they too run hot water over it. They will also go at great lengths to make their drink “elegant” by adding Italian names to it. Italy, might I add, was the birthplace of the tyrannical Roman Empire, and the home of Fascism. Take that and drink it!
So, tea drinkers, unite for our cause. Get out your tea pots, and bring out the Tea Bags like your life depends on it. For those coffee hate mongers, just might take away your right to drink it in an Arizona style coffee fueled rage.